In this hilarious and ultimately moving memoir, comedians and real-life married couple Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn prove that in marriage, all you need is love—and a healthy dose of complaining, codependence, and pinot noir.
 
After thirteen years of being married, Annabelle and Jeff have found “We’re just not that into us.” Instead of giving up, they’ve held their relationship together by ignoring conventional wisdom and fostering a lack of intimacy, by using parenting as a competitive sport, and by dropping out of couples therapy. The he-said/she-said chronicle of their intense but loving marriage includes an unsentimental account of the medical odyssey that their family embarked upon after their infant son was diagnosed with VACTERL, a very rare series of birth defects. Annabelle and Jeff’s unforgivingly raw, uproariously funny story is sure to strike both laughter and terror in the hearts of all couples (not to mention every single man or woman who is contemplating the connubial state).
 
Serving up equal parts sincerity and cynicism, You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up is a laugh-out-loud must-read for everyone who has come to realize that being “in love” can only get you so far.
 
On Cohabitation
He says: “Within days of Annabelle’s arrival, I became very aware that she demanded solitude and had the housekeeping habits of a feral animal.”

She says: “The guy had some sort of nudity radar. When I would take my clothes off for even a second, Jeff would be in front of me cheering as if he’d scored box seats at Fenway Park.”
 
On Sex
He says: “I want to have sex every day, but Annabelle only wants to do it once a week. So we compromise: we have sex once a week.”

She says: “Jeff says talking about money before you have sex is a turnoff, but it’s only a turnoff if you’re talking about not having money. Talking about money before you have sex when you have money is actually a turn-on.”
 
On Pregnancy
He says: “For God’s sake, all I wanted to do was have sex without a condom for a little while; now we were moments from bringing a new life into the world!”

She says: “My ass was expanding so fast it was like a Starbucks franchise. On every corner of my ass there was a new branch of ass opening up.”

I know I'm in the minority with only a three-star rating, so I guess this book just wasn't my cup of tea. Having said that, I also admit that I did not read the entire work but skipped to different chapters that sounded interesting. While these two people are obviously committed to their marriage and to their son, there were parts where their animosity toward each other was just sad. Also, I found their frequent vulgarities to be excessive and unnecessary. I suppose if you live in NY or LA you can really identify with their situation, but I just did not find it appealing.

This was the best Valentine's Day gift I have ever gotten. If you and your partner have a sense of humor and like to laugh together I highly recommend this as a gift. And if I ever have the pleasure of getting together with Annabelle and Jeff, now that I know what they do with their oven mitts, I will certainly suggest we go out to eat.

`You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up' by Gurwitch / Kahn caught my eye because like many spouses I find myself in love with someone who equally fascinates & frustrates me. My typical reading involves history or politics so I was looking for a break from that and possibly ideas on dealing with spouse differences (OK, to be fair - for validation that my way of thinking is superior, LOL). The `his versus her' layout of the book held my attention & one night I couldn't stifle my laughs & did wake my husband of 24 years. He's long been used to me reading after the house is asleep; that respite of book lovers & harried spouses / parents. As a woman of similar age, I can definitely relate to Annabelle's thought processes and behaviors while simultaneously relating to Jeff's sarcastic wit as they take on daily married life & how they've evolved through sharing space, work, sex, & raising a child, etc. I recommend this book for anyone who loves their spouse while also acknowledging that same person at times drives them crazy. Successful couples know that love can transcend the hardships & absurdities of life but it's the ability to laugh at ourselves & each other - the use of humor to cope that may be the secret to wedded longevity. I sincerely wish both authors continued success in their marriage, parenting and careers and look forward to any possible future book collaborations. (Lori Hypes Griswell)

This is a book that truly tells it like it is when it comes to falling in love, getting married and accepting what Life gives you from both male and female angles. A "no holds barred" approach to the perspective of both husband and wife, best friend to best friend, and father to mother. It embraced marriage in a way that I hope more people can duplicate. They accept each other's imperfections, embrace their strengths and accept reality. Most of all, they stay the course, laughing and bitching off into the sunset. I laughed, I cried, I snorted and I loved. Thank you Annabelle and Jeff for a wonderful story!!

Yeah, there are some funny lines in the book but overall the woman is narcissistic and whiny and I totally do not see why the guy would ever marry her after the first couple events when he is trying to date her. Not great reading whatsoever.